Mourning my old life

We are just coming out of another sleep regression, teething episode, who knows what caused Charlie to start getting up in the middle of the night again after he had slept through the night for a week straight.  This time instead of getting up for a 15 minute bottle he was up for about 2 hours each night, on and off crying, laying his head down to try to go back to sleep, playing with my face, looking around at all the lights in the room (why is it that every baby contraption has a light - from the noise machine to the humidifier - their room is light up like the New York skyline even though there is NO nightlight in their room).

I can't tell you how many nights I've gone to bed excited to get up the next morning to see a tooth in Charlie's mouth greet me in the morning just to find a gummy grin greeting me back.  This time I think it might be the real thing!  I can actually feel the ridges of his tooth coming - but countless times I have been able to see his two bottom teeth only to have them disappear again.

Every time we go through some kind of regression in the middle of the night I start thinking about my old life and wishing I had it back.  Probably because I have so much time to think in the middle of the night! but it seems to come on a lot more when I am getting up and down a lot.  Just as suddenly as it comes, the wishing I had my old life, it goes away and I can't imagine doing anything other that what I'm doing right now (that being thinking of going to bed since the babies just went down).


But truth be told there are a lot of things that I do miss....  Jumping on a plane without checking a bag, skiing in the sunshine, hiking, standing up without my back hurting, holding a coffe mug without flaring up the tendinitis in my elbows.  I didn't see the Superbowl, Kansas State's bowl game, the KU vs. K-State basketball game, I'm watching the Oscar's preshow now, but likely won't stay up to watch the actual Oscar's.  I just started regularly showering again after 8 months of very quick, very infrequent showers.  I still wear pajama's all day more often than not, even if I shower, I tend to put my pajama's back on, just more comfortable.  I haven't had a brunch, lunch, or dinner without holding, feeding, or walking a baby around the restaurant to ward off a crying spell.  I haven't spent more than 3 hours away from my children (except to go to work 2 days a week) for 8 1/2 months.  I miss cooking a meal and having enough energy to sit down and eat it.  I still cook, but whatever I cook gets pureed or mashed and parceled out into containers to feed the little mouths that seem to eat more than I do!


While I have a yearning to get dressed up, maybe even put on heels, sit leisurely at a restaurant finishing my 2nd glass of wine there is a bigger part of me that can't imagine missing even one more meal with my kids than necessary.  Add eating real food to the things I miss - I have been known to eat pureed pears and chicken for dinner lately.

Maybe that's why God invented sleep regressions....  to remind us of where we have been and also remind us how much we love what we do... once they sleep again :)