Mourning my old life

We are just coming out of another sleep regression, teething episode, who knows what caused Charlie to start getting up in the middle of the night again after he had slept through the night for a week straight.  This time instead of getting up for a 15 minute bottle he was up for about 2 hours each night, on and off crying, laying his head down to try to go back to sleep, playing with my face, looking around at all the lights in the room (why is it that every baby contraption has a light - from the noise machine to the humidifier - their room is light up like the New York skyline even though there is NO nightlight in their room).

I can't tell you how many nights I've gone to bed excited to get up the next morning to see a tooth in Charlie's mouth greet me in the morning just to find a gummy grin greeting me back.  This time I think it might be the real thing!  I can actually feel the ridges of his tooth coming - but countless times I have been able to see his two bottom teeth only to have them disappear again.

Every time we go through some kind of regression in the middle of the night I start thinking about my old life and wishing I had it back.  Probably because I have so much time to think in the middle of the night! but it seems to come on a lot more when I am getting up and down a lot.  Just as suddenly as it comes, the wishing I had my old life, it goes away and I can't imagine doing anything other that what I'm doing right now (that being thinking of going to bed since the babies just went down).


But truth be told there are a lot of things that I do miss....  Jumping on a plane without checking a bag, skiing in the sunshine, hiking, standing up without my back hurting, holding a coffe mug without flaring up the tendinitis in my elbows.  I didn't see the Superbowl, Kansas State's bowl game, the KU vs. K-State basketball game, I'm watching the Oscar's preshow now, but likely won't stay up to watch the actual Oscar's.  I just started regularly showering again after 8 months of very quick, very infrequent showers.  I still wear pajama's all day more often than not, even if I shower, I tend to put my pajama's back on, just more comfortable.  I haven't had a brunch, lunch, or dinner without holding, feeding, or walking a baby around the restaurant to ward off a crying spell.  I haven't spent more than 3 hours away from my children (except to go to work 2 days a week) for 8 1/2 months.  I miss cooking a meal and having enough energy to sit down and eat it.  I still cook, but whatever I cook gets pureed or mashed and parceled out into containers to feed the little mouths that seem to eat more than I do!


While I have a yearning to get dressed up, maybe even put on heels, sit leisurely at a restaurant finishing my 2nd glass of wine there is a bigger part of me that can't imagine missing even one more meal with my kids than necessary.  Add eating real food to the things I miss - I have been known to eat pureed pears and chicken for dinner lately.

Maybe that's why God invented sleep regressions....  to remind us of where we have been and also remind us how much we love what we do... once they sleep again :)

Sick, teething, sleep regressions, ugggg!!!

How does a child learn anything their first year between getting teeth, getting sick, and most of the time being sleep deprived?? 

Once the little cherubs finally learn how to put themselves to sleep and sleep through the night for 2 whole glorious nights - bam! a sleep regression, and now we are up again 2 times each night (though we have luckily kicked the bottle habit in the middle of the night).  You just get over a sleep

regression that the websites swore would only last a week, but you suffered for 2 weeks, and bam! the little cherub comes down with a cold and can't breathe through their nose, so therefore can't sleep.

How does any kid ever learn anything in their first year of life?  It's just amazing to me that through all this they learn how to move, how to start making sense of the world, how to be social, how to do so many other things.....  Thank goodness mine wake up every morning with a smile on their faces no matter how bad the night has been or else I would likely wake up in tears each morning...but how could I with these adorable faces to greet me!

Think of this:

• The average child has 6 colds their first year.  From what I have read they can last up to 10 days in babies normally = 60 sick days in the first year
• The most common sleep regressions are at 6 weeks, 3-4 months, 6 months, 8-10 months, 12 months, 18 months and 2 years old lasting around 2-6 weeks.  Luckily, it sounds like from reading, most babies only have major trouble at 1 or 2 of these, however in this house we have had some kind of regression at each of these so far.  If you take each of these lasting for 2 weeks in the first year = 70 days of troubled sleep in the first year
• Teeth usually start arriving between 4-7 months, with the next arriving between 8-10 = hopefully only a few days of bad sleep for the first year
• In total this equals around 130ish sick or bad sleep days in the first year!  This is 1/3 of the year!!!

With all of these things its amazing that any baby can function and that all parents are completely wackadoo all the time!

I have no great advice to help except take things as they come, try not to read too much on the internet (except this blog of course) or you will go crazy, and keep your chin up!  There is one blog that I really appreciate and the advice has worked for us that I would recommend: http://www.troublesometots.com/

Good luck!  And I hope you can catch some naps!!!

Is it ok to practice standing if your child isn't crawling yet?

In one word - yes - it's fine to practice standing if your child isn't crawling yet.  But how and how much are your keys to ensure you don't end up causing a problem later in development.

Babies have a reflex when they are born that allows them to stick their legs out straight and stand.  Parents are delighted by this and it's fun to play with, but it usually goes away and for most kids they go through a period where they don't automatically stand when you hold them upright.  Many will pull their legs up in a frog like position.  Standing then returns once the muscles of the legs get strong enough in the front and back so that they are actually using their strength to lock those little knees in a standing position.

Once babies are able to stand again when they are held in that position many babies love it so much they want to do it all the time (using "play and walk away" from Suppernanny can help so that your baby will engage in playing in other positions and by themselves - more on this later, but Google Suppernanny "play and walk away" if you want more information now).  Others could take or leave it.  Charlie loves it and could do it all day, Jemma could take it or leave it.  Parents usually love it though!

Crawling is important for many reasons besides just giving your little one a mode of transport all on their own.  It helps develop hand muscles, strengthens shoulders and hips, and even strengthens eye muscles.  So, even for babies that end up scooting on their bottoms or use an army crawl its still a good idea to practice with your baby on hands and knees even if they seem like they may skip crawling all together and go straight to walking.

Practicing standing is fun and a great developmental step to share with your baby.  Its a great idea to start practicing from the beginning by putting your baby at a couch or table so they can hold on themselves instead of you doing all the work for them.  Its also a great idea to start showing them from the beginning how to get down!

I have been reading lately about sleep regressions - it seems we may be suffering two of them here at my house (both twins at the same time).  Sleep regressions sound really common around 8-10 months because of the amount of movement that babies do in the middle of the night - asleep or awake.  Sometimes they accidentally roll over and can't get back or just can't calm their brains enough to get back to sleep.  Standing at the crib and not being able to get down also sounds like a big reason for sleep regressions - so show your baby how to get down!

The best way I have found to help your baby understand how to get down is by bending both of their legs at the same time at the knees and putting them on the ground in a tall kneeling position on the floor.  This takes some practice and it would be nice to have 3 hands when trying it, try it and keep practicing, it will get easier.  Then you can help them get to sitting.  Most babies will start sitting back down by plopping down on their bottoms from standing, but it's much less scary if they can get down to their knees.  Getting to their knees also helps the strength in their muscles so they can start bending those little knees in standing.

Its best NOT to practice standing only using a bouncer or exersaucer.  These items are great if you need to put your baby somewhere for 15-20 minutes to unload the dishwasher or vacuum, but not a great place for any baby to be for a longer period of time - unless you plan on sending them to kindergarten in their exersaucer - just get used to practicing standing in a more natural way.

Its easy to spend all day standing with your baby because it's so much fun!  But it should be balanced with practicing all the other development they are going through as well.  A couple minutes each time they are awake practicing standing is plenty.  You also need time to practice tummy time or hands and knees, holding toys and moving them back and forth between hands, discovering how to play and explore toys, etc.

Have fun with standing but don't overdo it!

A toy to covet

This is the offending object

I wrote in an earlier post about Jemma and her, "what's mine is mine and what's yours is mine" attitude.  She covets a silly toy that I got at Target for around $0.50.  I finally got up the nerve to bring the offending object, as this silly toy will now be known, out again at bathtime last night...  Since this object she hasn't had a huge problem sharing toys with Charlie, she actually seems to be getting a little better at it, probably because he is becoming better at keeping a tight grip on what he has and snatching things back from her once she takes them.

I gave the offending object to Charlie first, given he had never even got to hold it before I felt this was fair.  To  Jemma's credit, she let me distract her with a watering can, however kept a keen eye on the offending object the whole time I was 'watering' her hands.  She tried to make a grab for it a couple of times and each time I told her it was Charlie's turn to see it.  She whimpered a bit but let me distract her again with the watering can.

Then it was time to get out of the bathtub...  I took Jemma out first, took the offending object from Charlie and gave it to Jemma to play with while we got diapers and PJ's on.  She was happier than a lark!!  But then it was time to put it away and drink bedtime bottles, oh man!  did I ever have it coming!  She threw a royal fit!  I think she was still whimpering about it by the time she went to bed.

So, what's to do with this situation?  It's pretty normal for kids to become attached to objects.  This particular offending object I think hits just the right spot on her gums when she chews on it where she is cutting a new tooth.  But what do you do when the situation turns into a tantrum?

I asked my co-workers today, a team of therapists, what they would do.  There were a variety of answers:

1. Continue to give it to her and take it away when it's time to put it away so that she will learn that sometimes we have to put things away.
2. Take it away at intervals and give it back if she can control herself from throwing a tantrum.
3. Bring it out in a different setting and see what happens.
4. Work on 'object permanence' with Jemma by hiding the toy under a blanket and then uncovering it so that she will start to understand that just because the toy goes away it will come back again.

I'm not sure which of these we will try.  I do think it's important for kids to learn to clean up and put things away, but if we continue to work on this at bathtime I think she and I are both so tired by that time of day that we will likely just keep butting heads about this particular offending object.  Sometimes kids can get so focused on an object or toy that they could spend quite a lot of time just looking at it or turning it over in their hands, or in this case chewing on it.  I hesitate to bring it out at a different time of day because most of the rest of the day they are working on getting up on their hands and knees and scooting around on the floor and I don't want her to waste her whole day worrying about this toy. 

I guess the moral of this post is whichever method you would take in this situation - we are still the adults and have some control over these kinds of things in our kids lives.  Though most of the time I feel like I'm in charge of everything - but actually the boss of nothing, it's important that I ensure they are learning lessons appropriate for their age.  If this toy is too troublesome to learn lessons with I might just be a chicken and hide it again for another 3 weeks!  But we will still keep working on hands and knees and sharing, just with other toys!!

How can you be sick again!!

I have read that on average babies get 6 colds in their first year.  I think with twins this should be doubled!  I am pretty sure they have had at least 6 colds already at 8 months old, one stomach virus, and currently one bout of a random eye infection.

There are benefits in having twins at this age - they are starting to entertain each other and play with each other - but on the other hand there are two little germ balls that give colds and other crud to each other.  If one doesn't pick up a cold it seems the other one is and inevitably they both get it.  I only go to work two days a week right now so you can imagine that its kind of important that I actually get myself to work those two days.  Somehow my kids always seem to come down with stuff on the weekends!  So, every Sunday night I go to bed wondering what our state is going to be in the morning and if I can take the babies to daycare without a guilty feeling of knowing they are likely to get someone else's kid sick.

Having babies who are sick can really put a stall in their movement too!  With sick babies who just want to be held its hard to insist they play on their tummies or play by themselves.  Usually we use the "play and walk away" method here (more on that later) - for now Google "Suppernanny play and walk away" for a description.  It works really well normally, but when they are sick they don't want to entertain themselves.

The worst part of having sick babies is that even though I don't usually get a cold as bad as they do and thank goodness I never ended up with the stomach bug I still get a little sick too and don't have the energy to take care of and entertain sick babies very gracefully.

There are no great strategies for working with a sick baby on movement or tummy time, sadly.  Rest and recovery and then once they are well continue tummy time and other activities. 

Good luck staying well!

Is it ok to let you child W sit?

W sitting is a stage that a lot of kids go through, but is it ok?

W sitting is something that adults often strive to do in yoga class.  For most of us it is very difficult because of tight muscles and the way our hips are structured.

W sitting in children is concerning because they go through such large growth spurts often.  W sitting actually changes the way a child's hip bones grow.  For most kids they go through a stage of W sitting if they do it at all but they are able to move in and out of it and sit in different ways also.  For the majority of children W sitting doesn't end up being a problem, but for some it is the reason that many children get stuck with their milestones and can't progress to standing or walking.

When children are only able to W sit it poses a problem because along with changing the way the hip bones grow it also allows a child to sit without using their trunk muscles for balance.  So, a child doesn't learn how to balance in sitting which in turn makes it hard for them to balance in other positions as well.

When I get a new referral for a child who is having difficulty learning to walk and they W sit - their sitting position is the first thing we start to work on.  By changing their sitting position they strengthen their trunk muscles and hip muscles to be able to then work on standing and walking.

If your child W sits but moves in and out of it and can sit easily in other positions its a good idea to encourage them to sit in the other positions such as criss-cross or with their legs straight out.

If your child can only sit in a W position help them slowly learn new positions and become comfortable in them by:

1. Change their legs for them to criss-cross or straight legged.
   
2. Tell them to "change their legs" along with changing their legs so eventually they will be able to change their position by themselves.
3. Ask your doctor to check your child's hips at your next appointment to ensure their hips aren't dislocating at all and their joints seem to be forming well.
4. Call your local Early Intervention office to get support from a Physical Therapist.

W sitting is hard to change in the beginning, so you will feel that you are always changing your child's legs or telling them to "change their legs", but with time they will be able to sit in other positions and strengthen their muscles at the same time. 

Why are milestones so important in the first year?

Most kids end up walking - eventually.. So, why does the doctor even bother with a questionnaire to check on development?

We know that most kids will eventually walk.  I hear from parents all the time, "they will walk when they are ready." 

There are a few major shifts in behavior in kids in their first year of life.  The first comes along when you see that they are starting to get motivated to move by any means possible.  They are exerting their independence and showing a desire to move and explore, which is one of the ways babies learn.

The second shift comes along when babies learn how to move fast, by crawling (some by scooting).  They have just opened their world and can access a much broader range of the environment to learn from.  Their learning opportunities increase exponentially.

The third shift comes when they get upright and mobile - meaning walking!  Their world suddenly shifts from being 1 foot off the ground to a couple feet.  They can see whole rooms better than before, they can get to things faster than before and once again their learning opportunities increase exponentially.

When a child is delayed in walking (or crawling) it isn't often that we worry that the child will never walk, it's more that we worry about all of the learning opportunities the child is missing out on.  Learning is exponential in many ways as babies.  Once they learn one thing about the world they then learn 10 more things from that one thing, then they learn 10 more things from each of the prior 10 things, and on and on. 

When a child is stuck on the floor for too long they miss out on many of these learning opportunities.  Studies have shown that if a child is behind it's really hard for them to catch up in learning (not learning to move but learning about the environment, life, etc.).  I would give you links to research articles, but this blog isn't really about quoting research, its about life as a mom and my experience as a PT.

So, what should you do if your child isn't crawling or walking on time? 

1. The first thing is to call your Early Intervention office and get an evaluation scheduled (I know I sound like a broken record with this, but it is the easiest, best support you are going to get for FREE).
2. Secondly, make sure your child has access to as much of the world as possible.  Don't leave them sitting in one place all day - move them around the house so they can see different rooms, hallways, everywhere.  Make sure you aren't using too many "contraptions" or containers (pack and plays, chairs of any sort, bouncers, etc).  The best way for your child to learn is to get out there on the floor moving!  Not be stuck in some sort of contraption.
3. Third, talk, talk, talk.  Talk to them about everything and anything!  This is great to do even if they are on schedule with movement.
4. Talk to your doctor about resources to help you and your child and to ensure there is no medical reason your child isn't moving.

When should you get worried?  Try not to worry, all kids are so different but use these loose guidelines:

1. Not moving in circles or backwards on their stomach by 7 months
2. Not crawling (or sometimes scooting) by 11 months
3. Not walking by 15-18 months

Happy learning for you and your child!